Ya'll this book... Oh this book. I have so so much to say about it. So be ready ;)
From #1 New York Times bestselling author Jennifer L. Armentrout comes a riveting new story about friendship, survival and finding your voice
For some people, silence is a weapon. For Mallory "Mouse" Dodge, it's a shield. Growing up, she learned that the best way to survive was to say nothing. And even though it's been four years since her nightmare ended, she's beginning to worry that the fear that holds her back will last a lifetime.
Now, after years of homeschooling with loving adoptive parents, Mallory must face a new milestone—spending her senior year at public high school. But of all the terrifying and exhilarating scenarios she's imagined, there's one she never dreamed of—that she'd run into Rider Stark, the friend and protector she hasn't seen since childhood, on her very first day.
It doesn't take long for Mallory to realize that the connection she shared with Rider never really faded. Yet the deeper their bond grows, the more it becomes apparent that she's not the only one grappling with lingering scars from the past. And as she watches Rider's life spiral out of control, Mallory must make a choice between staying silent and speaking out—for the people she loves, the life she wants and the truths that need to be heard.
I'm absolutely speechless after this one ya'll.
Only two other books that I can remember have ever affected
me in a similar way as this one has. I knew it was going to be one of those
books that I would just be pretty floored by from the description (which I only
briefly read because, hey it’s a JLA book and do you really need a description
to know it will be good?) and the early chatter about it. But never did I
imagine exactly what this book was going to be like when I fully got into it.
Ya'll know me by now... I'm always going on about how
unemotional I am, and that things don't really get to me easily blah blah blah.
But this book...
THREE times! I repeat THREE times! Had me in tears or on the
brink of them. And the first time wasn't any more than three to four pages into
the prologue.
I'm not going to pretend like I can relate to Mallory in all
ways. I had a decent childhood; it had problems but nothing even close to what
this character experienced in this book. I don't have problems speaking my
thoughts or even just getting words out in general. Most of the time it's
actually the complete opposite actually, and I say way more than my brain even
has time to process.
My family may not be perfect, and maybe even a little
broken, but I will never actually be able to fully relate to Mallory. And for
that I'm grateful.
But does that mean I can't imagine everything her character
goes through? Does it mean I can't be heart broken and empathize with her?
While my life story is much different from this one, it
brought out a lot of emotions I tend to forget I have that make me a normal
sympathetic human.
This whole story though, start to finish, had this
heart-wrenchingly beautiful quality about it.
I was so broken hearted for Mallory and Rider, but also many
other characters in the story along the way as well.
But I also feel like this so so important lesson was being
etched on the pages as well. In the spaces between all that heart and heart
break.
There was love... And acceptance... and this notion of how
important second chances are... And how maybe... maybe realizing you’re the
broken one too but can still be fixed is in all of us.
Tomorrow isn't guaranteed or even promised to any one of us.
And I think that is one of the most important things to take away from this
book.
It's what we make of the time we have, how we decide we want
to that time to be, and who we choose to spend that time with.
I really think all of us have a little of Mallory inside us.
The parts that are scared and just want to hide from all the bad. But also
there are the parts that are strong and willing to fight to try, or just fight
to be a better stronger version of ourselves.
The parts that accept we will fail more than once and that
it is perfectly of for that to happen. Because the fails mean we at least gave
it a shot. That we tried.
I just... I feel like I'm not even giving this book the
justice it deserves. There is just so much to say and I feel like its all just
running through my brain so fast and into this big pile and I just can't sort
it all out into the proper words.
So I hope I'm not rambling. Or at least that you don't mind
the rambling.
I do have something though that has stuck with me though
from this book. And I won't give anything away, so if I'm being super cryptic
I'm sorry. Just go with me on this and when you read the book you will
hopefully understand the part I'm talking about.
So something that just really rocked me to my core was
realizing how much of her self I believe Jen put into this book. Like I said, I
won't give anything away, but knowing what I do about her. I saw a person. An
author open up in a way I don't think many people can.
I'm not going to even pretend I'm buddy buddy with Jen. I've
met her a handful of times and just know what I see her post to social media.
But based on those few things I think I saw a new side.
While she is still this beautiful, talented, amazing, strong
author. I think I also saw a glimpse of a scared, vulnerable, and worried
author too.
Because there is a part in this book that I just...
I know that what she's explaining in her writing is from
firsthand knowledge of those feelings and emotions. That they are something
she's experienced and has to deal with.
And knowing that while I read the beautiful words she typed
on the pages just hit me.
Authors obviously give us a piece of themselves in one way
or another in every book they write. But this? I felt like I got this raw
unedited version of that piece of her, how she must have felt. And that? That
was powerful.
Knowing she did that, it made me realize that not only was
it inspiring to see how she was willing to put things out there. But that it
showed so much bravery to do so. To bare yourself like that. Even if it is only
known to people who just happen to see the pieces fit together in a particular
way.
I've been saying for weeks that I would tell ya'll why I've
been so MIA the past few months, and the time just hasn't been there for me to
do it (ironic I know).
But there is a line in this book, and it's during that part
I was just talking about where I think Jen sort of bares it all. But it says:
"How did you wake up one morning thinking everything
was fine, that today would be like any other day, and then get told something
like that? I didn't know what to think."
And while the situation and explanation is vastly different
from the one this quote is referring to. But it hit all the same.
So at the end of February beginning of March after a series
of hard events (a funeral of a family friend, having to put down my dog, a huge
family fight that involved me moving, you get the gist) my mom found out she
had a brain tumor.
She had been having some medical problems for about a year,
problems walking some memory loss. Which we thought were being caused by a
couple different things like a fall she had taken the previous February and
possibly some depression from not being able to walk blah blah blah.
NEVER EVER did I think did it once cross my mind that it
could be something like this.
And to just make it all worse I wasn't even with her when
she found out. I was eight hours away in Florida attempting to move things up
to the new house here in Georgia. I was eight hours away from the one person I
care about the most in this world when she got some of the most terrible and frightening
news of her life.
I had answered the phone call from my sister thinking she
was going to tell me how her doctor’s appointment went with her being pregnant
and when the words "Mom has a brain tumor" came through the phone I
just had no idea what to do. At the time those were the absolute worst words to
hear. We did find out that the tumor was noncancerous and that the surgery (at
least this first one) was not as invasive as we thought it would be. But that
moment will always stay with me I think. Burned into my brain. I went from a
happy dinner with a friend and some of my family to being sick to my stomach
with worry. Literally fine one moment and crushed the next.
And while my mom is now on the road to recovery with the
first of two done, we still have a long road ahead.
But not everyone is as lucky as I think we wound up being in
this situation, and this book...
It makes you realize not to take the little things for
granted. Appreciate everything you have, no matter how small or common it may
seem. You never know when it could be gone, or how quickly.
Something else I really liked about this book was that there
is this theme of wanting to be able to change yourself, or being able to accept
yourself ultimately leading to that change happening in one form or another.
No matter how much help others try to give you, or how much
support they offer, you have to want that for yourself as well. You're the
first step in making a change, or becoming the person you're destine to. No one
can do that for you. And that applies to being able to forgive and accept yourself.
I guess I should also get a little into the characters
themselves in this review too huh?
Usually that’s my favorite part of these things, but this
story just offers so much that I almost don't even have to talk about them for
you to get a feel for how they are or how they touched me. But I do want to
just briefly talk about them.
I obviously loved Mallory and Rider. The two give this
perfect image to that phrase "beautifully broken". Just the things
they go through, the way they find their way back to each other, and the things
they discover about themselves made them such extraordinary characters.
Mallory at first has this scared shy quality about her that
you see slowly fade away as she grows and blooms into this confident amazingly
strong person.
She still needs help sometimes though, and the best thing
about that is... she knows it.
She has such a hard time accepting that at first too. But
you see her begin to own her setbacks and quirks. To really understand how they
can be both spectacular and terrible at the same time.
And Rider? Gosh!! You all know I tend to like the male
characters better than the female ones. They are always hot, strong, and sure
of themselves. And Rider is all of those... But he's also hard working, and
talented (even if he doesn't see it), unsure of himself, and yes even broken
(even if he refuses to believe he is). And I have to say I found that even more
enduring in a way. And maybe because it's that I have this connection to his
character. With everything going on with my mom and just the family drama
that completely surrounds me on a daily basis I feel like I've got the whole
world on my shoulders. I play daughter, sister, aunt, student, nanny,
chauffeur, even the roll of guardian to my mom during the worst parts. I've had
anxiety attacks that got so bad at one point I actually blacked out from the
stress of it all. But I keep going. I keep helping. And I always do what I can
no matter how it affects me. I can't not be there my family, and much like
Rider I don't want to accept that I need to see that I can't always e the
strong one. That it's ok to say it's too much sometimes, and that you need
help.
YOU CAN'T ALWAYS BE THE STRONG ONE. AND THAT'S OK.
I liked getting to see that strong always caring for others
character deal with some pretty heavy self-acceptance. Because it's something
I've had to do myself.
And get to see him understand he truly needs all of that to
become the person he wants to be for Mallory and even for himself. That the
past won't go away and will shape you. but that you have to decide how you will
put that shape into the puzzle that is he life you want.
And not just what you think you are only able to amount to
or what everyone expects you to be based on the circumstances life has thrown
your way.
To be honest, I also feel like some of the supporting
characters impacted me the most in this book as well.
Ainsley, Hector, Jayden. Even Paige. Have special places in
my heart than Mallory and Rider do. They experience and deal with things that
are far different from the two main characters, but that are just as life
altering and important.
And seeing how those things really had an effect on the
whole cast of characters was what it really came down to.
They took all the parts the two main characters had going
on, and tied them together. Made each Mallory and Rider realize things about
themselves and each other that they needed to change. But also realize the
things that made them be able to be impressed with themselves. These characters
helped to show how much they grew and are even still growing by the time the
last chapter finished.
Just everything really when it came to this book was
detrimental in how I feel about it.
I'm not sure I can even pinpoint just one thing in
particular that stood out. It's just how the whole thing wove together and the
feeling I got when I finished the last word and closed the book.
It made me laugh, smile... cry, and nearly feel my heart
breaking in my chest.
But the fact that a book can even evoke so many feelings
from me shows me just how amazing and powerful it was.
This by far has to be my favorite JLA book to date *gasp!
(Yes I know... What about Daemon. He holds a special place too don't worry)
I really truly hope i could convince you to go out and grab
a copy of this book though. Just take some time out of your busy life to sit
down, open it up, and let the words pour over you.
Let all of the emotions good and bad surround you, and
embrace them.
This book practically speaks for itself... so let it.
Because it has so so much to tell you.
***** I give THE PROBLEM WITH FOREVER: 5 Stars *****
